Month: October 2009
Rev. Moon Sells Off Mass-Marriage to Mormons
Sun Moon University, Seoul, South Korea —The final 10,000 Moonies exchanged their marriage vows this week. The ceremony came just before Utah’s Latter Day Saints, the Mormons, prepared to take over the franchise from Rev. Moon and his three sons.
Most Idiotic Nuisance 999 Calls Revealed
A Smegmadale Jewish priest, Rabbi Sheldon Scrunt, dialled 999 when staff at Manchester Airport’s W H Smuts bookstore would not allow him to use the toilet, then subsequently shit kittens when the plods turned up and arrested him for making…
Postmen’s Union Decry Canine Attacks
Police do not take pet animal attacks on postal delivery workers seriously enough, irate union leaders told press hacks during their annual Christmas piss-up at Smegmadale’s Fighting Dog and Pikey pub. The claim comes after postman Sheldon Scrunt suffered severe…
Disturbing Sexual Trend Gives Kids New Place To Stick It
Columbus, OH – A mother and daughter wait in a sterile examining room. The daughter shifts uncomfortably on the crinkly paper sheet atop the standard issue table bed. The news from the doctor is grim: the girl may never hear…
Personalised Plates Hit for Homophobia
A score of “offensive” vehicle registration plates have been withdrawn from a Smegmashire DVLA auction as they might well fall under the politically-incorrect categories of ‘homophobic’, ‘sexist’, racist’ or ‘anarchist’ and breach one or another of the new European Fascist…
Daffy Political Correctness Bans Children’s Stories
The opening words of the age-old children’s nursery rhyme ”What shall we do with the drunken sailor?” have been removed from the lyrics in yet another of the Labour government’s stupid EU-compliance nanny state “Let’s re-write history” projects. The Bonkers…
Air India Title Fight – Pilots vs Cabin Crew
Further scandal hits basket case Air India with news that pilots and cabin crew manning an international flight bound for Dehli got into an argument because the flight route had to be changed last minute because of a huge storm…
America’s Health Insurers Blow Millions on High Priced Hook
Just when you thought America’s health insurance companies couldn’t kick us any harder in the collective ass, comes the news that the insurance industry has paid coo-coo bucks for a study which says that if the present proposed health care…
UK Stimulus Requires Peasants to Get Booze Licences
In what may well prove to be the most stupid law to be introduced since their last stupid law caused a public outcry and political brouhaha the EU’s fascist ‘Triple Six’ Department for Total Control has decided – in their…
Egyptian Student Skips Homework, Beaten on the Knuckles, Chest, Skull
An Egyptian court has sentenced a schoolteacher to 300 hours of community service work for beating a pupil to death because he had not done his homework. Maths teacher Atilla bin Atwatt threw the 15 year-old schoolboy out of the…