Month: October 2009
TV Execs “Shocked” Balloon Dad Unstable
After months, nay years of insane ramblings, lost lawsuits and 911 calls, father Richard “the dick” Heene has been deemed a toxic asset by the Hollywood Reality Productionati. A 23 year old executive from E! told Glossy News, “Dude, seriously,…
Kid’s Balloon Stunt Mobilizes Entire Nation
A six-year-old boy thought to have been carried away by a helium-filled weather balloon in Colorado was in fact hiding in the kitchen fridge – behind the remains of last Thanksgiving’s Day turkey, a Dorksborough County deputy informed Fux News….
Breaking Media Tradition: Balloon Boy Was a Hoax
Not ones to mince words, let Glossy News be among the first to openly declare that the balloon boy incident involving Falcon Heene, son of Richard “Big Dick” Heene, was nothing more than a costly, ill-conceived, poorly orchestrated hoax and…
Europe Bans Pregnancy Cheese
A supermarket has apologised to one of its teenage female customers after she was told she could not buy mature Cheddar cheese due being pregnant. Candida Muffitch, a 15-year old schoolgirl currently studying for her A-Level exams in Benefit Fraud…
Hippocratic Oath to Hypocritic Oaf, Damp Man Left to Die
A crap-for-brains jobsworth ambulance chief refused to allow his emergency response paramedics to enter six inches of water to treat a man with a fractured spine – as it constituted a breach of heath and safety regulations. The jinxed Wilf…
New Labour Stealth Taxes Locked n’ Loaded
Secret Labour stealth taxes – rumoured to have been conjoured and drafted by old rodent features himself – Lord Peter Scandalson – aka Vermin in Ermine – are geared up to be imposed on millions of homes and totally bankrupt…
Ask Hank: Cheating Husband Becomes Latter Day Lover
Dear Hank, I’ve been cheating on my wife since before I met her, and I think she might be starting to get suspicious. It’s getting pretty hairy, but winter is coming so we don’t do too much shaving up here…
Brazil Steals Oktoberfest from Germans
Blumenau, SC, Brazil – In what can only be called the biggest beer coup of the decade, the town of Blumenau, Brazil has stolen yet another world’s biggest party, this time from the Germans. When it comes to hedonism, Brazilians…
Jukebox Politician Bribed by Ukraine Oligarch
Tony Bliar, the firm favourite of his brown-nosing lackeys and stooges to become Europe’s first president now the numpty Irish have ratified the dodgy Treaty of Lisbon, is once again mired in scandal and stands accused of accepting millions of…
Written Driving Test to Ferret Fast, Furious Drivers
The current UK Driving and Vehicle Licensing Agency’s driving test theory section is proving to be nothing more than a crooked revenue generator of Ponzi / Pyramid scheme proportions for the dodgy New Labour government. The theory side of the…