Day: September 21, 2009
Milband the Millipede Makes Faux Pas 1,782
Foreign Secretary David Millipede once again stuck his foot ankle deep in the brown smelly stuff yesterday by publicly declaring that there were circumstances in which terrorism was justifiable.
Panda Testes Apparently “Quite a Turn Off”, Say Crypto-Aphrodesians
In a surprising turn-around the Sino Council on Virility has rescinded their long-standing endorsement of ground n’ powdered panda junk, citing universal complaints from their users including “smells kinda funky”, “what the hell is this nasty powder,” and “Come on…
Patrick Swayze Abs to be Sold in Creepy Benefit Auction
Famous dirty dancer and proxy child molester Patrick Swayze shuffled off the mortal coil last month, and the fine folks at Sotheby’s have found no better way to pay tribute than by pawning off the cryptic remainder of his abs…
Strong Weather Predicted in a Place
No update as to exact locale. Details to follow.
Harrods Bans Last of the Mohicans, Presumably on Purpose
A woman whose hair was cut in a Mohican style and dyed incandescent vomit green to raise money for the charity ‘Brain Dead’ was refused entry to Harrods in Shitesbridge because she breached the store’s regulations banning both Cowboys and…
Japan Finally Makes Worse Car Than U.S.
TOKYO, JAPAN- Japanese engineers working for Toyota shocked the world today by announcing that they have at long last created a car worse than any car made in the United States. After a bold promise made by Chief Engineer Fukashi…
CIA Playing Hardball with Obama
In an exclusive interview with the Washington Times, a senior CIA official said the Agency was in payback mode with the White House. Insisting he be referred to only as “Leon P” to protect his identity, the official revealed that…
Karma: Riot Cops Gas Themselves
Eighteen trainee officers have suffered burns to the faces, gone blind and had their lungs permanently damaged during a CS gas spray training exercise for the Greater Manchester Police’s ‘Riot Plod Squad’. The rookie recruits – hired from the redundant…