Posted in Making Headlines

Happy New Year to All … Honest

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in World News

Limbaugh Rushed to Hospital Drugs Not Mentioned

Honolulu, HI (GlossyNews) — Acerbic Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu hospital this morning for what doctors say is an overload of ‘bile’. Limbaugh’s press spokesman Carson Cobain said he had little information. “Rush usually…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Technology

Bekins Moving Into The Future

Chicago, IL – The Bekins folks are bound to make moving a snap for their customers this time, for sure. Compression is the new name of the moving game for this century-old company. Soon, the familiar semi-trailers will be parked…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Travel

Is The Green Zone In Baghdad The New OZ?

The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’. The Green Zone functions like a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Human Interest

2009 So Not-Father of the Year Award Nominations Announced

The year 2009 saw a plethora of bad daddy behavior around the country and we, at Glossy News, thought we’d take the low road and list some of our favorites. Although we are using a numbering system to count the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Technology

Obama Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions

President Barack Obama announced yesterday that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Society

Recession So Bad, Money Is Worthless

The long lasting recession has caused in many a belief that money no longer has any value. “What good is it to waste my whole day getting ready for work, going to work, working, going home from work, then spending…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics

Debating Progressives

Question: With the CRU files leak, do you still believe the climate science is not settled? Response: You (expletive deleted) son of a (expletive deleted). Did you learn that from Glenn Beck? That (expletive deleted). Anybody who can’t see the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics

Conservatives Shift From ‘Compassionate’ to ‘Cold-blooded’ Conservatism

The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. The new motto is ‘Cold-Blooded Conservatism’. This new attitude will focus on further…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Television World News

Newscasters Appeal to FBI to Create Easy Nicknames for Terrorists

The latest attempt at terrorism by Nigerian nationalist, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabhas, is the straw that broke the camel’s back in America’s newscasting business. In a rare show of agreement between the top media outlets, news commentators from every major prime…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Obama Wins Literal “Not George Bush” Award

To the surprise of few, Obama has won yet another award for not being George W. Bush, this time it’s one awarded by the Global Sub-Scrub Society known as the “Not George Bush Award”, and it’s given only to those…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News

Successful Corporate Excuses For Being Late To Work

My Excuses For Being Late To Work Welcome to my world. This is my first of hopefully many columns about life in the workplace. My column is dedicated to everyday workers. Thank you Mr. CEO, but I can’t event count…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News

The Corporate Dress Code

Every summer one or all of my many superiors reminds me of the corporate dress code here at the hospital in New Jersey. Now I am not sure who comes up with this stuff or why, but it does make…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics

Republican “Prayercast” Convinces Santa to Skip Obama House This Year

Malia and Sasha Obama woke up to a pretty lame Christmas morning when they discovered that Santa had not visited their house this year. Said Michelle Obama, “had Barack and I not prepared for this contingency, the girls would have…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in World News

2009 Glossy News Erratta … err Errata & Errors a Plenty

The Glossy News, in an effort to bring you the finest, most accurate and comprehensive news available, has compiled this errata information after a review of articles published in 2009. Although we do technically wish to apologize for any errors…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Society

Ask Hank – Pre-Natal Lawsuit Threatened by Unborn Child

Dear Hank, I’m seven months old (that’s from conception) and due in late January. Recently, I heard my parents talking about what they were going to name me: Siegfried. Hank, I can’t go through life with that moniker. Recently I…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Society

DOT Approves Asshole Lane For Nation’s Freeways

American drivers nationwide gave a collective cuss of relief when the US Department of Transportation announced its approval for a building project that would add designated asshole lanes to all the nation’s freeways by 2010.

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Strange People

Alaskan Villagers Purposely ‘Being Bad’ To Get Coal From Santa

Point Barrow, AK (GlossyNews) — Residents of the Arctic town of Sealgut Alaska have resorted to extreme means to get their heating fuel supplies for this winter. Faced by two months of near total darkness and bone-chilling cold with little…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Psychic to the Stars Makes 2010 Predictions

Chrystal Ball, self-proclaimed Psychic to the Stars has just released her predictions for the upcoming year in the entertainment industry. “Keep this list handy,” cooed Chrystal, “because you are going to have shivers running up and down your body when…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

Dan Quayle Tweets Palin

Dan Quayle Tweets Palin Famous potatoe man, Dan Quayle, known as “Tweety” on Twitter, came back into the limelight after virtual (actually that’s actual) obscurity to offer his help to Sarah Palin on the campaign trail. After reading a few…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Human Interest

Boehner and Bobdole Reveal 13-year Marriage

Washington DC —EBBQ Today the offices of John Boehner (Bay-ner) (R–OH) revealed that Senator Boehner and former Senator Bobdole (R–KS ret.) have maintained a secret same-sex marriage for the past 13 years. “In fact,” a Bobdole spokesperson said, “Bobdole did…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News

Timedate 2011: Recession Ends, But The Workers Died Long Ago

Economists the world over have stated the news that everyone has been waiting for- that the long, draining recession has finally come to an end and that businesses will start hiring again. Unfortunately, the good news came to a screeching…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics

Wall Street Declares Itself An Independent Nation

Wall Street, in a surprising move today, declared itself a separate governing republic and detached from the US. Always considered a bulwark of staunch capitalism, the recent bailout has changed the economic thinking of it’s leaders. Upon succession Wall Str….

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Blonde on Blonde Caught on Tape

Mega-lawyer Elle Woods of Legally Blonde and spurned woman Elin Nordregan Woods are reputed to have held a tete-a-tete behind closed doors at Bloomingdale’s in Orlando recently. A TMZ reporter claims he taped the following conversation between the two women…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics

Glossy News Denies Black President Hoax

Toronto – A spokesperson for the Glossy News in Toronto this morning denied allegations that the Seattle-based news service fabricated the now famous story that a black man had won the US Presidential Race in 2008. The Toronto Sun Times…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!