Year: 2009
Happy New Year to All … Honest
Limbaugh Rushed to Hospital Drugs Not Mentioned
Honolulu, HI (GlossyNews) — Acerbic Conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh was rushed to a Honolulu hospital this morning for what doctors say is an overload of ‘bile’. Limbaugh’s press spokesman Carson Cobain said he had little information. “Rush usually…
Bekins Moving Into The Future
Chicago, IL – The Bekins folks are bound to make moving a snap for their customers this time, for sure. Compression is the new name of the moving game for this century-old company. Soon, the familiar semi-trailers will be parked…
Is The Green Zone In Baghdad The New OZ?
The Green Zone, that huge, walled off section of Baghdad occupied by US military and civilian operations, has been renamed ‘The Emerald City’ after the fabled city in the movie ‘The Wizard of Oz’. The Green Zone functions like a…
2009 So Not-Father of the Year Award Nominations Announced
The year 2009 saw a plethora of bad daddy behavior around the country and we, at Glossy News, thought we’d take the low road and list some of our favorites. Although we are using a numbering system to count the…
Obama Vows to Investigate Alarming Rise in GPS Malfunctions
President Barack Obama announced yesterday that he would ask the Department of Homeland Security to investigate an alarming rise in GPS malfunctions. Although he stopped short of suggesting a link between terrorists and the rash of travelers who wound up…
Recession So Bad, Money Is Worthless
The long lasting recession has caused in many a belief that money no longer has any value. “What good is it to waste my whole day getting ready for work, going to work, working, going home from work, then spending…
Debating Progressives
Question: With the CRU files leak, do you still believe the climate science is not settled? Response: You (expletive deleted) son of a (expletive deleted). Did you learn that from Glenn Beck? That (expletive deleted). Anybody who can’t see the…
Conservatives Shift From ‘Compassionate’ to ‘Cold-blooded’ Conservatism
The Republicans, still smarting from their losses in the 2008 elections, have taken a new stance. Gone are the Bush I and II philosophies of ‘Compassionate Conservatism’. The new motto is ‘Cold-Blooded Conservatism’. This new attitude will focus on further…
Newscasters Appeal to FBI to Create Easy Nicknames for Terrorists
The latest attempt at terrorism by Nigerian nationalist, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallabhas, is the straw that broke the camel’s back in America’s newscasting business. In a rare show of agreement between the top media outlets, news commentators from every major prime…