Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - You'll help teach a valuable lesson this week. Lady ain't got candy? Take a yard gnome.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21) - It may be bad for your teeth to gobble it up all at once, but a few pins in a Snickers never hurt anyone. Well, not lately.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) - Cute outfit, what are you supposed to be, a loser?

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) - You will trick, you will treat and you will streak... why? Only you and the stars shall know.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) - Dude, those pants totally make you look fat. I'm not joking.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20) - If you dress as a ghost, consider eye-holes.

Aries: (March 21-April 19) - You will be missed, because today is your last day... as a man. See you on the other side Frankina.

Taurus: (April. 20-May 20) - After a pleasant evening at your friends home in the neighboring town, you'll feel as though you are followed on your way home. Fear not, it is only the devil himself reincarnate as a firebreathing beheaded horseman.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21) - Dress as a woman one more time, and we will all know you really aren't in to chicks, okay?

Cancer: (June 22-July 22) - When trick or treating in the ghetto, tall children should be advised against dressing up as police officers.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22) - Don't want, can't have, won't get... now don't ask.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) - Don't wear the same thing you did last year, pretty please.

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